This week I am being lazy and posting some re-runs. Enjoy!
Today we have an interview (RP/In Character) with Snafzg from The Greenskin. Hope you find this format enjoyable and entertaining!
In an undisclosed cave, somewhere near the Dwarf/Greenskin border...
A feisty Goblin sits in a crude chair, restrained. Behind him, two heavy-set Dwarves stand with grim expressions, but keeping their distance from the chair. Entering from some unseen tunnel is an austere Dwarf, more lightly armored then the others. He carries a rifle on his back and several strange canisters on his chest. The Dwarf approaches the Greenskin, stroking his beard lightly.
Werit: Well, Well, what do we have here? Some green... thing. I bet you thought you could get away with trying to spread that Greenskin propaganda without any consequences. Now you are going to answer some questions for me. If you don't, well, we have way of making you talk.
He nods towards an odd contraption in the corner of the room. The only things that can be made out are: gears, a steam whistle, a small rock on a piece of string and a keg of ale.
Werit: So lets get started. What are you and what is your name?
The Goblin unflinchingly stares at his interrogator, a glinting malevolence in his beady eyes.
Snafzg: I ain't be tellin' ya nothin', ya pompous stuntie!
Again, Werit motions towards the contraption.
Finally taking the hint, Snafzg quickly glances at the torture device and takes a hard swallow before opening his mouth again. Through gritted, needle-like teeth, he seethes:
Snafzg: Ah, dat's a pretty piece o' machinery ya got there... My name be Snafzg an' I be a Gobbo o' da Greenskin tribe: Enmity. Ironically, that's what I be feelin' fer you at dis instant!
Werit: Is that so? I hope I can get to bed tonight knowing that. Tell me, what use could a creature like you be to them?
Snafzg: Oh, ya know... little o' this, little o' that. Mostly baby snatchin', keepin' the snotlings in line, and takin' care o' ya mum! Oh, and I dabble in da Gork n' Mork arts o' Shamanism. She loves dat especially!
The two Dwarven guards raise a sign of protest but Werit waves them off.
Werit: No slimy, disgusting, offspring of a slug insults my mum!
Werit starts to reach for one of the canisters strapped to his chest, but moves his hand away.
Werit: You are lucky we dwarves take oaths seriously. However, there are limits goblin. Back to the matter at hand. How do you feel about the war? Do you like your people getting slaughtered by us or would you prefer they just fight some bears or something?
The Goblin cackles loudly; a sound akin to breaking glass, grinding stone, and the shrill, gleeful cry of a bar wench.
Snafzg: Does I prefer bears? Are ya tryin' to kill me with ya nonsense? Sure, I'll kill a stinkin' bear just to get good n' messy if there ain't be stunties around, but ya gotta know I'd rip yer jugular out first if I be havin' da option of it!
Werit: This is probably a silly question, as I don't think Greenskins understand the concept, but I was told to ask: Do you take part in any trade skills?
Snafzg: Oh yah, sure. I be craftin' some fungus twixt me legs right now! What you guys call Cultivation me guesses. I actually poisoned a whole batch o' yer ale before ya furry git muscleheads caught me fer questionin'!
The dwarves exchange a concerned look amongst themselves but then shrug it off because Goblins are known to be cunning, deceitful creatures.
Werit: Fungus eh? That would certainly explain the smell. Moving on, what is the deal with those Squigs? No matter how many we kill, they keep reappearing? Tell us their secret!
Snafzg: They be a-sexual, but I guess all ya fuzzballs wouldn't known anything 'bout that, being so ugly n' all! Prolly don't know a-sexual from b-sexual from any-sexual! I've seen da hairy upper-lips of ya brauny women... and I gots ta say, I'd rather do it with mushrooms to be honest!
Werit turns a deep shade of red, especially around the ears. His broad shoulders and wide arms twitch involuntarily. His hands begin to flex open and shut, as if throttling some invisible neck.
Snafzg leans slightly back in his chair, a wicked grin starting to form on his disfigured face.
Werit: I got one last question before ridding the Old World of your presence, filth. What do you think of your allies, the elves and those deformed by Chaos?
Snafzg: I ain't got much t'say 'bout dem other than I'd like to show da Dark Elf women a sloppy good time, da Dark Elf men a serrated shiv in da spleen, and dem Chaos freaks, well, dey can take a deep breath of my fungal feces! Us Greenies don't play nice with others because we don't play nice with ourselves neither! Ya got that, ya cheap, lying, no-good, rott'n', four-flushing, low-life, snake-lickin', dirt-eatin', inbred, ovastuffed, ig'nint, blood-suckin', hell-hound-kissin', brainless, ****less, hopeless, heartless, fat-arse, bug-eyed, stiff-leg'd, spotty-lipped, worm-'eaded sack of squig spunk?!
Werit: You go too far, scum! Our tunnels won't smell so bad with your corpse floating down the river! Take him out, brothers!
With a smirk and a snort, the Goblin Shaman makes several quick hand gestures. An aura of green surrounding him, he shouts: "Gork says stop!"
Simultaneously, the Dwarves breath in sharply and each clutch at their chests. With every step they take towards their diminutive prisoner, shockwaves of pain shoot up and down their spines. The two guards collapse within five paces and Werit falls to his knees in agony.
The Greenskin mutters something unintelligible and the ropes that bind him unwravel. He brings his legs up, squatting in the oversized chair looking self-assured and demented all at once.
Snafzg: O' what prideful fools ya Dwarves be. Da boss'll promote me fer takin' out another batch o' stinkin' stunties! I can't wait for me special blend o' ale to warm, den burn through ya clansmen's bellies!
With a grimace of pain and all his will, Werit quickly reaches over his shoulder, drawing out the chestnut-stocked rifle. He fires off a round just as another lance of pain racks his entire body. It misses inches wide of his intended target, putting a neat, cauterized hole through the green creature's ear.
Snafzg shrieks in pain as he clutches his already-scarred ear. With a penetrating and evil red stare he hisses at the Dwarf. The little Shaman launches himself over his kneeling ex-captor and make a run for the exit tunnel. He notices a detailed map with strategic markings on a side table as he passes the mechanical torture device and skids to a halt on his calloused heels. Grabbing at it, he hears the loud clicking of a rifle being reloaded. His fingers grip the rough edge of it and he quickly ducks and rolls just as the wall where his head used to be explodes with shards of fractured stone.
Werit reloads the lever-action rifle again as he grunts. The pain is receding and the water that previously blurred his vision is nearly gone. He slowly takes aim as the Goblin jams the crumpled map into his inner robe, making for the dark tunnel. He fires again and hears a squeal of pain but Snafzg staggers into the shadows muttering another incantation. Werit reloads as he struggles to his feet and then bounds towards the injured prey.
Werit: You'll not get away with our secrets you vile creation!
Snafzg can be heard cackling, through ragged draws of breath as he skitters around the corner out of view. Werit pursues with a scream of rage.
Werit: This isn't over, you're going in my book!
Many thanks to Snafzg (who wrote a good chunk of the above) over at the The Greenskin.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
This week I am being lazy and posting some re-runs. Enjoy!